What women really ought to know about the other sex

Boys really are clueless about girls.

Tonight at a "What Women Really Want" panel in my dorm, ladies took the hot seat, volunteering to answer our male peers' questions about the inner workings of the female mind and the show was fantastic.

They asked all kinds of questions out loud and on paper if they were too nervous. Among the things they wanted to know: how do you know when a girl likes you, how do you know when a girl just wants sex, how do you tell a girl you don't want anything but sex, how do you tell a girl that to you last night was more than a one-night stand, do girls like a muscular butt or a big one, what constitutes small in the below-the-belt area, how do you get a girl to dance with you at a party.

Of course, boys proved to be more than clueless.

They're also sweeter than we think. Most guys, we girls were assured when the boys took the hot seat, want a relationship. One of the panelists earned a chorus of aww's from the female portion of the audience when he said he only dates girls he could see himself marrying. Then he dropped another swoon-worthy bombshell: he's saving himself for marriage.

Then again, they're just as dirty and shallow as we've always figured them to be. Some of the questions thrown at the ladies when they were answering questions were: how do you ask a girl to join you in a threesome, what is your favorite position (to which I gave the only answer), do girls really like to swallow. And, when the boys sat in the line of chairs, they told us that a girl who'll sleep with you on the first date looses points. Their explanation: if it was that easy for you, imagine how easy it is for every other guy.

And, one of the ladies' favorite male panelists -- the one who is saving himself for marriage and who dates only marriage material -- made it clear that he judges. Boy was he open about his view of the highly sexual members of the opposite sex. "There's a fine line between confident and whore," he said.

Other gems he had to share with us: "It's not the size of fishing pole, it's what you do with the worm" and "The master key can open any lock but a lock that opens for any key is bad."

Then again, the boys had one good piece of advice: Being ballsy enough to tell a stranger you think he's cute will surely earn you points.

This, I intend to see for myself.

(The above is a photo of Jack Nicolson, Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michele Pfeiffer in The Witches of Eastwick.)