Clueless

So an old... "friend" of mine says he wants someone who, even when things are bad, is better than the best thing he could ever have with someone else. He says this on Facebook. For everyone to read. Thus I felt the need, an obligation, to share with this person -- who once hurt me -- some advice.

I wrote: "Just some advice... The best way to have this kind of thing with someone is to make them know you think they're the best thing under the sun. If you can make a girl feel like she's worth more than the moon and the stars, you should have no problem keeping a good girl. And just another little piece: just because a girl is good doesn't mean she can't be everything you want, if you get my drift. Some people equate good girls with prudes. It ain't true. Haha. Anyway, it's just that I've found someone who does what I'm telling you to do and honestly it makes all the difference."

I do not claim to have much romantic experience but I am sure that this is good stuff I'm dishing out to him for free. Free advice. You'd think if you were given such good stuff -- and been told by another female friend that it is sound advice -- you would take it. But alas, my friend is an idiot.

He wrote back that he kind of did that with me -- and to what he is specifically referring, you may have more clue than me -- and that he "just" wants someone who treats him right. Yeah, him and every other person on the freaking planet. His next thought (which follows the first with no punctuation in between) that he lost someone "who i treated like shit nd changed my perspective on shit nd tried workin it out with another ex nd was just mistreated and im done with it." The one question I have about his statement that I should have posed to him was this: You think because you changed your perspective, the first person you stumble upon or back to will magically work out?

If he'd responded in the affirmative, I would have laughed in his face. Only because he needs to wake up.

There are how many people in the world and we just automatically assume that finding the right person is going to happen at the snap of our fingers? I used to be of the same camp; I won't lie. But the thing that I've realized is even if your soulmate lives next door, it won't (or at least shouldn't) work out until you work on yourself.

We ought to work on being better people. That's the problem. People seem to believe that being a good person isn't something you do, but rather something that happens to you because other people do the work. I think movies and books -- different kinds of media -- have fed into this belief; made us think "I'll be complete when I find him/her." It's bullshit though. No one is going to make you a better person. You've got to do it yourself. I should have told my friend this because if he's anything like the person he was 3 years ago, he's got a lot more work to do.

I'm not perfect but I work really hard to be a good person. I help people, I am kind, I do not judge (except in extreme cases, but like I said, I'm not perfect), I believe in honesty, I love people and worry about them... I do what I can to make my tiny world a better place. It upsets me when people don't put in the same kind of effort and expect to reap rewards that haven't even happened to some of us good people.

But then again, it's easy to be selfish and expect things to be given to you. What's hard is to be a good person and to work for good things and to never have them happen for you...

To bring this back around to the FREE, good advice I gave my friend, here is my response: "I understand, but still, sometimes girls need to be reassured that they matter to you before they can fully trust you enough to give you what you want. This may sound unfair, but the truth is once you do this and they open up to you, it'll be the best. Granted, some girls may take advantage of you but you've got to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze. You've got to go with your gut and decide if you think the girl is worth that trouble and hopefully she'll decide the same about you. You've got to remember that as much as your ego's been bruised, most girls you'll find have also been bruised so in most relationships, you're dealing with two sensitive egos. This is the time when you can act like a man and take care of a girl. If you do it well, she'll be taking care of you for a long time."

I hope he takes my advice. And I hope it benefits others because in most situations, we forget that there are usually two bruised or sensitive egos.

I'm just happy I'm happy now.