Romantic words we have trouble saying

I want to grow old loving you. 

This was the sentiment of one of the more romantic Valentine's Day cards I saw at Rite-Aid yesterday. I wanted to buy it because I do feel that way about my boyfriend. Feeling this way and saying it out loud (or even in a card) are very different concepts.

Most girls, I think, myself included, are scared to actually share these words with our boyfriends. What if he thinks I'm crazy? Or, What if he doesn't feel the same way? Many of these are the same doubts that arise when we consider saying those three words, "I love you."

And certainly, our parents would think we're crazy. Who could know that they would want something for the rest of their lives? Sure, our perspectives will change over time.

V-Day: A Retrospective

It's my first Valentine's Day with a special someone -- my darling Chris -- and I've got a night class. Pssh! After years of fantasizing about having a boyfriend on V-Day and one year of supposedly being over the idea, I've got my wish and we're doing nothing.

But I don't want to complain. I've done my fair share of that over the years...

Playing devil's advocate

It's terribly awkward being a white kid in a race class. Everything you say can and will be used against you. I've been afraid to blog about this for the very reason that I'm beginning to fear speaking in class: that I be made to feel like a big bigot.

When I opened my mouth to offer an opinion of the implementation of guilt in teaching children about slavery and racism, I was attacked both times by some gangly white girl who works at the coffee shop and dresses like a hipster. What her beef with me was, I'll never quite know.

After reading Joe Feagin's book The White Racial Frame: Centuries of Racial Framing and Counter-Framing, our class was discussing counter-frames and news ways to counter the white racial frame -- the way American society rationalizes the systemic racism against black people.

I offered up my opinion that in teaching children about slavery and racism, invoking guilt can sometimes lead to resentment. Every year in school I learned about slavery and racism and every year I was made to feel like it was my fault an entire group of people had been oppressed for centuries prior to my birth. Over time, this has led to my feeling resentful. Why should I feel guilty for something I, nor my ancestors, had any part of? Furthermore, where was Feagin's mention of reverse prejudice, which I've seen in action.

Gangly Girl with her shorn black hair and blue leggings-as-pants attacked me for my mention of reverse prejudice. Then the conversation moved on.

Journalism Success: Tips for students

On Friday, Lena Chen posted an interview with freelance writer Caroline Kinneberg, which I guest edited, on her blog the ch!cktionary. This came as the result of contacting Lena to say I'd read an essay she wrote for Glamour magazine and how much I loved her website.

So far, I think I've been pretty successful as a writer. I have over 50 clips in my portfolio; I have written a two columns, covered a beat, written reviews of everything from film to literature, and blogged about relationships. Sure, I'm having trouble breaking into the big glossies -- Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, and ELLE are magazines I would love to write for -- but most people do and I'm not out of college yet. The one thing I can say, however, is that I have a resume to rival most college juniors and I'm pretty proud.

Lately, I've writen articles for College Magazine's Career/Success section, and I've writen about my journalism experiences on this blog for a while. I'm going to start doing so more regularly.

I'm not sure how many journalism students read my blog, but here are my tips for getting those internships and other writing opportunities. Some of this I know from experience and the rest is what I wish I'd thought to do.

1. Maintain a blog.
I started blogging here before I finished high school and have continued to write about various topics here. One mistake I continue to make and which you should learn from is not posting regularly enough. It's definitely a good idea to plan out an editorial schedule. Also, you'd do well to focus on a specific subject or small range of subjects. Or, you should cover a wider range of topics with the same tone and perspective carried through, which is more the approach I've taken.

2. Build a blogging network.
Reach out to other bloggers who cover a similar topic or use the same tone/perspective. Link up and offer them the chance to write a guest post or ask to interview them. Either way, when you give them space in your corner of the World Wide Web, they'll link back to your blog on their own and their readers will likely become your readers. If nothing more, comment on other blogs and include a link to your own -- just be sure you're contributing something unique to the discussion. This is something I'm only beginning to do, but which I believe can never be done too early.

The condensed soup method of writing

Just read Kelly Klepfer's interview with novelist Connie May Fowler, whose most recent book How Clarissa Burden Learned to Fly was published by Central Grand Publishing in 2010, on Novel Journey. who revealed that she wrote this most recent novel first in a condensed 50-page version and then she expanded it. 

"I think fear prompted me to write How Clarissa Burden Learned to Fly in 50 pages," Fowler told Klepfer. " I feel if I can simply get it on the page, even in condensed form, I can then go it and turn it into a novel and not an abridged version."

I wonder how many other authors write this way.

What is good writing?

I've heard this question posed many times and I've heard several attempts at an answer to it. Some focus mostly on the technical aspects when talking of "good writing." Others speak more about the storytelling -- these are the elements of plot, character, message or theme, etc.

A good writer is someone who can mix both technical expertise and engaging storytelling and get it down on a page, I'd say. But even this is open to interpretation.

What is makes writing technically good? I wince every time I see "had"s and "will be"s. I cringe when I read the phrase "beginning to." And please, dear God, get your verbs right! Avoid clinical words like "displayed," I would tell you.

Then there's J.K. Rowling who uses plenty of helping verbs and has made more money than I can bear to think about. People love the Harry Potter series and while I admit that she's a fantastic storyteller, I can't bear to read the books because I think she's awful, technically.

"There are rules for good writing," Susan Cheever writes in Louisa May Alcott: A Personal Biography. She doesn't, sadly, list them.

What do you think the rules of good writing are?

On truth in fiction

Emily Dickinson's house in Amherst, Mass.

Over at Beth Kephart Books, the Dangerous Neighbors author posed the question "Truth or Fiction: Does It Matter When The Lines Get Blurred?"

For me, this is a particularly interesting question to consider, as my "fiction" is generally infused with a lot of "truth." Particularly seeing as I'm working on a new novel -- finally! -- which is the product of my experiences, those of friends, and fiction. A compost project, really. It took me a year and half since writing my last novel to come up with an idea I felt confident in.

And while Chris has said to me that he's a better fiction writer because he's much more imaginative -- which is true; he can come with anything -- I don't think that being as strongly inspired by real life makes me a bad writer. The fact of the matter is, like Kephart wrote, "The only interesting life, on the page, is the shaped life, the contemplated one, the one sifted for meaning and insight."

To be able to combine real life experiences with fictional elements in a way that gives them shape makes me, I think, at least a good fiction writer. I hope that I'm great, but I'll leave that up to the public to decide.

The hunter and the hunted

Reading Susan Cheever's Louisa May Alcott: A Personal Biography, I came upon this quote:

"If marriage is a woman's goal, her primary job is to make herself attractive to men. A look at clothes and advice we give young girls makes it clear that attracting a man who will be a provider is still one of the major jobs a young woman has in our culture. We give them Barbie dolls and makeup. We tell them to be calm and quiet and to remember that men are predatory hunters so that successful women must pretend to be tantalizing, elusive prey."

This is all quite true, unfortunately. My question, however, is how much of this, the seemingly unidirectional aim of young women toward marriage (or just a relationship) is a natural inclination? Is it a lingering survival instinct? And is there anything wrong with a young woman wanting simply to get married and have babies?

I'm not talking about myself, but I've heard a few girls say that her goal was to set up her life for a husband and children. My gut reaction is Oh my goodness, what's wrong with her? Although I do look forward to that part of my life, I also really want to achieve things like getting a book published and getting articles accepted at national women's magazines. Some of the girls I've known who have said such things about their life goals seem to have very few other passions.

True love is easy

I arrived home today after spending two days snowed in with Chris, and remembered that although my Harper's Bazaar had arrived a week or two ago, I hadn't found time to read it. Sitting down to catch up on "Cougar Town" and "Castle," I flipped through the national glossy magazine, which in the recent past has seemingly only published articles about topics other than fashion if they're book excerpts.

In the February 2011 issue of HB, there is a one-page article by Alex Kuczynkski, who normally covers beauty topics and wrote a book called Beauty Junkies, about the secret to a happy marriage. That secret? Ease.

She argues that one should not have to "work" at marriage; that the love should be easy and continue to grow, not diminish. "But the notion that we ought to choose to remain in love doesn't wash with me anymore," Kuczynkski writes. "Love is a commitment, but the idea of choosing to work at your marriage sounds like a drag."

I may not be married, but I definitely agree. Love should not be hard. And drama does not a happier or more meaningful coupling make.

On mating and our expectations of the opposite sex

After I met my (new) Prince Charming on OKCupid.com, my father, who has been single since he and my mother separated, decided to create an OKC profile. Since the time he signed up, he's logged many an hour winking at attractive women within an appropriate age range, and many of these leads have led to nothing.

Maybe a week ago, Dad winked at a woman and complimented her full, wavy hair. She responded and said she thought they weren't compatible physically, which she amended by saying they were interested in different body types, and then said that my father's plans for the future didn't match hers.

Similar communiques from other women have had Dad asking me why women are responding in this way to him. I've shared with him my theory, and I think I'm truly on to something. My theory is that a good portion of middle-aged women don't take online dating, and perhaps even dating in general, seriously. By middle age, it's possible that these women have built lives that make them happy and they've only got room for a man if he's "perfect."

I wrote "On women, superficiality and the new Prince Charming," on December 17th after reading a conversation on Facebook between two guys about how superficial women are. My original thesis was that women aren't too superficial and that even if we are, it's not necessarily the fault of women that we have unrealistic expectations.