My friend Kay has been asking me for advice in matters of the heart lately and it is a little strange to me. This is the first time in my life that I have felt like I had something of benefit to say to her and to others when it comes to love and relationships.
One of the things I have spent some time thinking and talking about lately is how to recognize a good guy. I used to doubt that good guys exist and proof of my doubt can be found in older posts on this blog. But now I am sure they exist. They may be rare, but they are out there.
So how do you recognize a good guy? Here are a few of my pointers:
1) He does not scare easily. You feel like and/or know that no matter what you say or do, he is not going to run away. It is important that you can be vulnerable and share things with him and that he be sensitive enough to understand.
2) He asks how you feel about things and not just that, but he honestly cares about your response. He wants you to feel comfortable in every situation and so he asks you how you feel about him, about the things you two do, about pretty much everything. Not only does he ask but he says reassuring things like "If you don't want to, it's ok; I won't force you to" and "I'm glad you feel that way because that's how I feel," which leads me to my next point.
3) You both are constantly on the same page. I do not mean that you do not disagree about some stuff, but on big ticket items, like your feelings for one another, you two feel the same way. If you notice yourself (or him) saying things like "I couldn't have said it better" or "That's exactly how I feel" or even "Wow, who knew we'd be so in sync," you have got this one down. (Be happy; this is a very good thing!)
4) He cares about his family and friends. When my boyfriend said the most important thing to him were his godsons, I knew he was a good one. Anyone who cares about the people in his life in such a strong fashion is bound to treat you right. That is just how I feel...
5) He makes you feel like you shine brighter than the sun and are more beautiful than the moon. It is important that he have the ability to make you feel like you are one of a kind -- because let's face it, dear, you are -- and when he tells you how beautiful, sexy, luminescent you are, you just have this feeling in your gut that he is not lying. Some guys say these things and do not honestly mean them. If you have had any practice with this rotten-apple kind of guy, you should be able to recognize when the right guy means these things.
6) He does not just talk about himself and the things he wants. He has a general interest in the things that interest you. This should be pretty self-explanatory.
7) He makes plans for you to meet the important people in his life. I have dated guys and never met their families, so for me, when your guy makes plans for you to meet his family and friends or constantly expressed his wish for you to meet them until he makes it happen, it is a surefire sign you have found yourself a good one. (This really goes hand-in-hand with #4.)
These are my best tips for now. As more come to me I will post them. In the meantime, any boys want to know how to recognize a good girl?
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