Here's part of the email I sent to my best friend:
I'm tired of being a fly on the wall at social events. I'm tired of being the girl who cries by the end of the night because she feels SO lonely. I've never been the girl who needed a boyfriend... But I am now. Because the more I'm left alone in my head, the more crazed and unlovable I become. I'm sick. Like I really feel emotionally sick, if that makes any sense.
I'm sorry I'm not really elaborating... I just don't have the ability to put the reasons and feelings into words (beyond these) at the moment...
Yeah I really can't explain further at the moment.
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