Repression and Double Standards

I have been thinking lately about how repressed female sexuality is in today's society. It really should not come as a shock; the hypocrisy of lauding men who have sex freely and in turn criticizing women who do the same is fairly well noted, I think. But it goes further than that.

Young women are called promiscuous and are deemed to be "asking for it" if they are at all sensual or even just exploring the full meaning of their sexuality.

Furthermore, young women, most of whom are probably confused about their sexuality, can never be sure of what men want. Some guys want a girl with promiscuity out the ass and these same guys won't take seriously the same girl. It makes me think of Jena Malone's line "It's all too much to live up to," in Saved! She was referring to the strict rules laid down by the Father who was principal at her school and his interpretation of Christianity, but her words could truly apply to male expectations of women.

Other guys just screw you over, play games with your head and throw you away like a dirty tissue. I haven't yet met a good guy who was honest from the start about what he wants. I honestly do not think they exist. Mom said even at her age, male-female relationships are more about game-playing than they should be. It's sickening because I know what I want and I do not hesitate to go for it and I despise games, so obviously I have no luck with guys.

Honestly, and Dad, you can stop reading now, I just want to mess around a little bit. I want the freedom to explore my body and the bodies of others. I do not want to be labeled in a negative way for something that is completely natural, nor do I want to live a life confined to the expectations or limitations of others. That would be living a stunted, boring, noncreative life.

I am frank and I want to explore things and I refuse to be apologetic anymore... Just some thoughts.

By the way, that jerk Vin never called and did not reply to my text today. I am done being played with. I am not a toy, nor should I be. I do not exist to be his or anyone's play thing. I may have many queries about the nature of existence, but this is one thing I am positive of.

I just wish above all that there did not exist this double standard for men and women and that women did not have to quiet things like their sexual identity. That's the world I want to live in.