Life is all in the little things, isn't it? Life is the stuff all wrapped up and gifted to us in the tiny moments, the brief and fleeting images right before our eyes.
I'm letting life drift by. I'm scared but I wonder if this isn't my coping mechanism, a distraction from the anxiety of having to live well, of having to find happiness in small things. I don't know what my obsession with "BIG" everything is. I want everything to be big and noted, I want every moment to drip with the juice of big, serious meaning.
I must learn to stop and smell the roses. I must learn to take everything in, to accept that sometimes it rains and sometimes the sun shines. It doesn't have to hold a deeper meaning. I should just accept the way the sun feels on my skin, how the rain drops feel on my arms and legs.
Tomorrow I will try just being, just following the moments of the day as they morph and flow into memories. I have to find the life in the small things, suckle the sweet nectar of life from the bud of the day.
I wrote these words on June 30, 2009 and found them in an old journal today. The 30 or so pages written in the big beautiful red journal gifted to me on my 18th birthday contain some really poetic thoughts that blow me away. Did I really write these words?
Honestly, it's been a long time since I wrote down my reflections on my nature, my life and our whole big, silly world. Old readers of this blog will have noticed my lack of really personal reflections of late. (I'm sorry if you really enjoyed them.)
I fell in love close to two years ago now and I've been working really hard in school and on outside activities. There's been very little time to sit and ponder how I feel about things and what I think of life.
For a very long time, I searched, high and low, for the meaning of life. I thought that I could make sense of it all by writing about my boring life. I thought writing would make my life interesting.
Turns out, I finally got it right on June 30, 2009, and while it took me a while to actually do so, I have just been. I have followed the moments of the day as they morph and flow into memories. I have found the life in the small things. I have suckled the sweet nectar of life from the bud of the day.
Life isn't always what you hoped for or what you expected, but at least you're alive. Right?
